I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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