I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
