Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I party with great urgency now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
