Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
