So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
