I'm lost and stupid without you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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