That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
