I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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