the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
