I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
