He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
