since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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