he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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