Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
