I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
