He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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