Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
