there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
