the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
