He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
