last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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