i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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