He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
