We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
