did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
