Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
