I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
