I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
