i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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