We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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