hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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