Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
