Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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