So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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