Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
