Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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