census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
