Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
