i permit you to call me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
