I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
