Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
