Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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