We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
