Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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