Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
