my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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