shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
