I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
