it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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