There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
