so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
