yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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