the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
