rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
