Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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