Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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