I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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