Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
