Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
