Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
