The maid of honor just puked.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
