Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize