thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
