he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found puke in my bra..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
