Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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