He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
