she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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