Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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