I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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