lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize