i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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