also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
