Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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