it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
