So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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